This script, and 45 others are available on Short Orders Volume 8 for $24.00.
Elmer’s Misfortune
© Puppet Productions
by Eric Poirer
CAST: Ralph and Elmer
PROP: Bottle of Elmer's glue
SCENE: Ralph onstage; Elmer enters
ELMER: Hey, Ralph! Ralph!
RALPH: Yes, Elmer?
ELMER: Guess what I bought at the store today!
RALPH: Ummm ... a bottle of mouthwash?
ELMER: (LOOKS AT AUDIENCE AND THEN AT RALPH) No! I'm serious.
RALPH: A hive of angry honey bees?
ELMER: Come on, Ralph, get serious.
RALPH: Well, I can't think of anything more serious than a hive of angry bees! Why don't you give me a hint?
ELMER: Well, it's sticky.
RALPH: Bubblegum?
ELMER: No, Ralph, you're way off.
RALPH: Give me another hint.
ELMER: Well, it's white and sticky and ...
RALPH: (INTERRUPTING) Marshmallow Fluff!
ELMER: No, Ralph.
RALPH: A tube of toothpaste?
ELMER: No! Now listen. It's white, it's sticky, and it's got my name on it.
RALPH: I give up. What is it?
ELMER: This bottle of glue right here!
RALPH: Hey, Elmer, let me see it!
ELMER: Okay. (ELMER SHOWS BOTTLE OF GLUE TO RALPH AND TO AUDIENCE) See?
RALPH: Oh, wow! That's neat, but I (ELMER INTERRUPTS)
ELMER: Just think - I'm famous! I think I'll write to the company and tell them to give me five, no, ten cents for every bottle they sell!
RALPH: Uhh ... Elmer ...
ELMER: Just think - I'll go to Hollywood to make commercials. I'll be on T.V. I'll be rich!
RALPH: I don't think that they meant you, Elmer.
ELMER: What do you mean, Ralph?
RALPH: You know how on some products they have the picture of the person who owns it?
ELMER: No.
RALPH: Like on Quaker Oats, they have the picture of Mr. Quaker. And on Orville Redenbacher's popcorn, they have his picture.
ELMER: Yeah - what about it?
RALPH: Well, look closely at the bottle.
ELMER: I know. Isn't it wonderful?.Elmer's glue.
RALPH: No, I mean look at the picture. (ELMER LOOKS)
ELMER: Huh? All I see is a picture of a cow ... a cow?
RALPH: That's right.
ELMER: You mean that a little cow owns this?
RALPH: Why else would they put his picture on it?
ELMER: All my fame and fortune is gone! All my money, all my rich friends belong to a cow!
RALPH: That's okay, Elmer; it doesn't matter to me if you're rich or not. I still like you.
ELMER: Well, thanks, Ralph. You know, I was just thinkin', it isn't so bad seeing the image of the owner on something.
RALPH: No?
ELMER: Nope. It's like Christians.
RALPH: What are you talking about, Elmer?
ELMER: I mean, since believers are the servants of the Lord, then He kind of owns 'em, right?
RALPH: Uh, yeah. I guess so.
ELMER: Sure. So, if the Lord is the owner, then folks ought to be able to see Him when they look at a Christian.
RALPH: Hey, that's right. And they can see Him when we do what He tells us to.
ELMER: Yep. I'd be glad for folks to look at me and see the Lord.
RALPH: Me too. (PAUSE) Well?
ELMER: Well, what?
RALPH: Well, say your next line.
ELMER: I don't have any more lines.
RALPH: You don't? Are you sure?
ELMER: I'm sure. I don't have any more lines.
RALPH: Well, what're we going to do now?
ELMER: I guess we're all done here. Let's go play basketball.
RALPH: Okay. Let's.(BOTH EXIT) |
