This script, and 45 others are available on Short Orders Volume 5 for $24.00.

Out to Lunch
© Puppet Productions

CAST: Reggie, Lois, Waitress (human hand and arm puppet)
PROPS: Table, chairs, dishes, sign saying 'Hometown Cafe'
SCENE: Restaurant, Reggie and Lois enter.  Waitress enters from opposite side.

REGGIE: Do you serve crabs here?
WAITRESS: We serve anyone.  You may sit here. (REGGIE AND LOIS SIT DOWN)
LOIS: Are there eggs on your menu today?
WAITRESS: No, I wiped them off this morning.  May I take your order now?
LOIS: Yes, I'd like a triple chocolate ice cream sundae with lots of nuts and whipped cream, please.
WAITRESS: Do you want a cherry on it?
LOIS: No thanks, I'm on a diet.
WAITRESS: And what about you, sir?
REGGIE: I'd like a cup of coffee and a muttered buffin.
WAITRESS: You mean a buffered muttin?
REGGIE: No, I mean a muffered buttin.
WAITRESS: How about a donut hole instead?
REGGIE: Yes, that will be fine.  By the way, make it black.
WAITRESS: Sorry, sir, we don't have black holes here.  I think you can get them down the street at a joint named  the Burmuda Triangle.
REGGIE: I meant the coffee.
WAITRESS: Our coffee doesn't have holes, it's freshly ground each morning.
REGGIE: (UNDER HIS BREATH) Yeah, I bet it tastes like mud.
WAITRESS: Will that be all?
REGGIE: (DISGUSTED) Yes, that does it. (WAITRESS EXITS)
LOIS: This is a nice restaurant, Reggie.  When I was here with my folks I ordered a fresh egg and got the freshest egg in the world.  I ordered hot coffee and got the hottest coffee in the world.
REGGIE: Yeah, I know.  I ordered a small steak.
LOIS: Speaking of eggs, that reminds me.  Do you know what you get when you cross a dog with a chicken?
REGGIE: No, what?
LOIS: A pooched egg. (LAUGHS)
REGGIE: Here comes our order.
(WAITRESS ENTERS, PUTS FOOD ON TABLE, THEN EXITS.  REGGIE STARTS -1-0 EAT, LOIS BOWS HER HEAD TO PRAY.)
REGGIE: Hey, what's the matter, Lois?  Do you have a headache, or do your eyebrows itch?  Or is there something under the table?
(LOOKS DOWN)
LOIS: No, Reggie.  I was just giving thanks for the food.
REGGIE: You mean right here in the restaurant?
LOIS: Sure, why not?
REGGIE: But in front of all these people?  Aren't you embarrassed?
LOIS: I'd be more embarrassed if I didn't.
REGGIE: What?  I don't get it.
LOIS: Well, you see, Reggie.  I'm a Christian, and Jesus said if anyone was ashamed of Him here on earth, then He would be ashamed of that person before God in Heaven.
REGGIE: Wow, I never heard that before.  I guess there's a lot of things I don't know about being a Christian.  Do you think you
could tell me more?
LOIS: Sure, I'd be glad to!
REGGIE: Let's go back to your house so we can talk about all this.  Are you finished eating?
LOIS: Yes, I'm done.  Let's go. (THEY START TO LEAVE)
REGGIE: Maybe I'll even come to church with you this Sunday.
LOIS: That would be super.  Didn't you forget something?
REGGIE: You want me to pray right now?
LOIS: No, Reggie, just pay.
REGGIE: Oh, yeah - I almost forgot! (RUNS BACK.  LIGHTS DIM.)